Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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