good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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