she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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