I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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