I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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