i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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