you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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