i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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