just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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