I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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