dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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