yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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