You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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