he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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