id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize