awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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