If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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