New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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