Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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