At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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