I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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