Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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