her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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