I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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