I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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