God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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