Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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