How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize