I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize