Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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