I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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