I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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