I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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