halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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