Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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