new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize