4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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