He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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