does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize