dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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