a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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