why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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