I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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