omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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