p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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