I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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