Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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