I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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