And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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