Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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